The Sane, the Insanity, then Reno
by SlayersBladeX
Summary: Reno insaness! He's sick and later loses 1,000,000 gil! Rufus might have puppies! Tseng is starting to get stressed and snaps. Reno tries to teach Rude what it takes to have a date. Elena gets kidnapped, & more! No pairings, just random insaness! [ON HOLD
1. Oil and Water

Hey peoples! This is a story I started once again in Business Education. It just started as a piece by piece, until I decided to put it up in I admit I'm not the best writer, but hey—I can still try!

Disclaimer: I don't OWN any of the Turks, they belong to **Squaresoft** and **Tetsuya Nomura** or any other **Final Fantasy®** Characters, but I tied Reno up and threw him in my closet. :P

* * *

"Hey, watch where you're going you idiot!" An angry employee hollered as he stumbled onto a desk, folders scattering everywhere. It followed by more angry scolding. 

"On time as usual." Tseng said sarcastically under his breath, glancing over to Rude. Rude flipped the pages of the newspaper, placing his held coffee jug onto the desk and remained speechless. Just after another employee hollered at him, Reno finally stumbled in through the door and collided onto the floor. His migraine headache became even worse and he gritted his teeth.

"D-damn it... I wished I stayed home..." Reno muttered bitterly under his breath, forcing himself up and leaned against the wall, flicking his flame red hair from his eyes and wearily looked at Tseng. Tseng eyed him.

"Your attendance is precise as usual. An hour late a day, falling through my door." Tseng smiled.

Reno sneered. "Morning to you too, chief."

Reno's face was pale. His aquamarine eyes weren't energetic and lively as it usually was, and more so were dimmed to a point where it brought out the concern in Tseng. His untidiness of his uniform was normal, but something seemed amiss. Tseng already figured out why he was in such state.

"Well, I have a job for you Reno." He said, still eyeing Reno but decided to go on without questioning him. "This is going to be a very important assignment sent from Rufus himself. You are ordered to go to—"He suddenly heard a body collapsing. Tseng jerked his head, finding Reno on the floor.

Rude glared at Reno through his black shades, placing the newspaper down and stood up. Tseng gestured him reassuringly, telling him it doesn't look serious, and then bent down beside the Turk. Reno cursed in pain under his breath as Tseng placed his hand on his forehead. Reno had a disturbingly hot fever.

"You've been drinking again, haven't you?" Tseng decided to ask, helping Reno to sit and lean against the desk.

Reno smirked innocently. "Just a little."

_A little my ass._ Tseng thought with an obvious, wordless expression and faced the window, sighing in frustration from telling Reno again and again about drinking way too much.

He cleared his throat, preparing for another 'boring lecture' once again, hoping for once it would go through his goggle head.

"Reno how many times to I have to tell you this? You should really stop this before you seriously injure yourself." He said seriously. "Neither Rude nor I, will be able to do anything about this. It is you that makes the decisions, you that choose what path of your life you take. If you chose to make it difficult for yourself, I am not stopping you, but I—"

Rude tapped on Tseng's shoulder, and he turned around.

"Zoom!!! POW!!!! CHOOOOO! Ka-Boom! Oh no! Save me!!! AHHHH!!!"

"...He didn't hear a word I said did he?" Tseng muttered. Rude scratched behind his head as a response, sweat dropping—

Reno cackled devilishly, pretending that the stapler was some kind of war airship and paper clips falling onto the ground, assumingly being his imaginative victims.

"Oh no! It's the evil... coffee cup! Run for your goddamn lives! Eeeih!! OH NO! _AHHHH!_ **THE WORLD IS DOOMED BY THE EVIL CUP**!!!" Reno then rammed Rude's coffee jug and the stapler together, more paper clips toppling onto the carpet along with his terrible sound effects.

Rude recoiled. _That's my favorite cup...!!!_

"SIR! I'm coming, sir! _Hold on_! I'll save you!" Elena clobbered through the door, resembling an angry ogre with a club readily jerking her head back and forth, then paused seeing the blank expressions of Tseng and Rude.

Tseng and Rude glared at the fallen door, blinking.

"...Think he's still alive?"

"Ten gil he still has the stapler."

"You're on."

"What...?" Elena blinked. "What's going on...?"

Tseng grinned. "You don't mind getting off Reno, do you?" Elena then looked down at her feet, seeing a line of red hair and moaning.

"Oh—OH! Oh dear—"She jumped off and Reno pushed the door off, rubbing his head.

_Stupid! Knock the door, THEN come in for the_ _rescue!_ Elena scolded herself hotly in her mind, not really concerned from the fact she flattened Reno.

"Damn, stupid blonde! Watch where you are going!" Reno snapped.

"Stupid blonde? How dare you! I have a name, you know!"

"Yeah, delirious old hag!"

"Why you—!!" Elena swung the baseball bat centimeters from Reno's nose without even thinking twice who her target was or who was presently in the office. Reno yelped, dodging backwards and slamming his back against the wall.

"I have a stapler—and I'm not afraid to use it!" Reno wildly eyed Elena, and then suddenly was fascinated that the staple could open and close.

"You owe me ten gil."

"So I do."

"What... what's this about?!"

Tseng and Rude drew their glances at Elena.

"I should ask you what this is about." Tseng eyes her cautiously, even more so shocked that Elena was strong enough to clobber the door flat under her feet.

Elena blushed rosily. "I was on my way to give you a report, then I heard these really weird sounds! I thought you were being killed or slaughtered by a mad cow or something... no, not a cow! Not that you could go down so easily, sir! It's just that, well—"

"Man, you talk to much, blondie!" Reno retorted feverishly. Elena eyed him deathly.

Tseng just couldn't hold himself back. "Elena," he said, baffled, "is that a baseball bat?" Elena grinned, laughing fretfully while fidgeting with her fingers.

"Uhaha... um... well, you see..." She gave up. "...Yeah... it is, sir..."

"...I didn't know we had baseball bats in ShinRa..." Rude finally spoke, sweat dropping.

Tseng slapped his forehead, muttering out a small laugh. This just kept getting better and better. What a morning! Reno then finally lost interest in the coffee jug and stapler, stumbling up to Elena.

"Hehehe..." He grinned wickedly.

"...You wanna know what this baseball bat looks like—MNPH!"

"I think you've said enough, Reno!" Tseng smiled through his gritted teeth, cupping Reno's mouth and dragged him backwards. "Sorry. You might hurt yourself again." He pressed hard behind Reno's neck, making him collapse and lay him onto the carpet, out cold.

"...He drank again, didn't he?" She figured out as Tseng stood up.

"Yes. Just a little bit too much last night..."

"How bad it is this time...?" Elena wanted to say something that didn't involve baseball bats for once.

"It's just a little more serious then the previous times. He seems to be running a high fever, and he can't stand up for a long period of time. I'm pretty surprised he managed to come here in one piece." Tseng then crossed his arms.

There was a silence.

"So uh, you want me to get the tranquilizer or something? I have one stored just down the hall for such an occasion." There was a tone of evil in Elena's voice. Tseng shook his head.

"No, I don't think that will be necessary, well this time anyway..." Tseng then had a sudden idea, and turned to Elena with a hopeful smile.

"Elena, Reno is not very capable for the mission I was going to order him to do today, so we will delay it for a bit until he gets better. At the meantime... would you mind escorting him home and keeping him company? Of course, I understand if you do not want to—"

"YES!!!! I mean, of course s-sir!!! Anything for you, sir! I will have Reno back onto his feet in a jiffy!" She exploded excitedly abruptly.

Tseng blinked, stunned. "Oh... well..." He accidentally stammered. "Excellent, then! I will come by tomorrow morning to check up on you two. Rude, would you help her carry Reno to the car?" Rude nodded helpfully, lifting Reno effortlessly. Tseng then looked over at Elena, a more serious look on his face.

"Be careful, Elena. I know Reno may be harmless, but at his state he could be a little dangerous. Not that I don't trust him, but just keep your guard up." Elena then gestured a victory pose.

"Hey, sir! You can count on me! I'll have Reno good as new tomorrow!" She then skipped out the door.

_That was... easy. Now to put up this door..._

Tseng thought to himself silently, realizing that several dozen people were staring at him from the other room...

* * *

Elena beamed. _This is great—the greatest opportunity a girl could ever ask for! Tseng knows that Reno is such a handful and nearly impossible to control—when he finds out that I am extremely successful, he will realize that I am stronger than I look and thus he may put me in promotion or even better—ASK ME OUT FOR DINNER!! WOOHOO!!!!!_

"...Elena... are you drooling?" Rude stated suddenly as he carried the unconscious Reno limply over his shoulders.

"No! Just... happy! Let's get Reno back onto his feet, eh?" Elena giggled optimistically, elbowing Rude on the side jovially prancing down the stairs. Rude blinked. _Am I missing something here...?_

A small groan the uttered out of Reno. "Uhn... hey Rude... the walls are moving... that's pretty cool, huh..."

"Don't worry, Reno. Elena's gonna take care of you for now—" Rude paused, then was interrupted by Reno's wild snoring.

Elena daydreamed as she opened a door on her car, little hearts fluttering around her eyes. Oh... this was the opportunity she had been waiting for... the lights... the candles... the romance... of course, all this won't happen until she finished with Reno of course—but she could handle that, how hard could that be?

She would soon regret those words.

"Umm Elena...?" Rude said silently. Elena then snapped from her gaze, dreamily looking at Rude.

"Hmm...? Oh! Oh right, Reno... just put him in here. I think he'll fit."

"The trunk...?" Bewildered, Rude cocked an eyebrow.

"I don't see why not." Rude remained silent. Elena then sighed, shutting the door. "Fine. He can sleep in the backseat, then..." Rude then flipped Reno onto his stomach, gently placing him stretched across the back seat.

"Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow." Elena cooed. Rude nodded, and just as Elena started the engine—

"Elena."

"Mm?"

"You're the bravest woman I have ever met."

* * *

Reno moaned tiredly. "Oh man... what's happening... now the sky is moving..." 

"You're in my car and I'm taking you home now. Relax." Elena finally noticed Reno's pained tone of voice. Reno moaned.

"What the hell... I thought I was gonna do some important mission..."

_I wonder what your mission is, and why would Tseng put someone like you for such an important mission...?_ Elena thought to herself. "Well, apparently you aren't well enough. That's why I'm taking you home." Reno was strangely silent. Normally, he would throw a dumb-ass comment about her babysitting him as he did previously and tease her to death. This time, he just lay limply on his side, eyes shut tightly.

She stopped at a red light and couldn't help but be slightly concerned. "Reno... you okay...?" She asked her fellow Turk. Reno didn't reply. She pitied him, well almost. Elena glanced over at the traffic, deciding that she had enough time to reach over and feel Reno's forehead. And so she did.

"You're boiling..." She said more seriously, finding that Tseng was right. "Are you sure that your drinking was the cause...?"

"I dunno. Don't remember a thing, actually..." Reno replied wearily, almost sounding serious. It was surprising this was the same Reno from ten minutes ago. Elena suddenly leaped from a sudden honking, banging her head from the trucks behind her.

"Hey, you asshole! It's a green light!" The driver bellowed impatiently, followed by more honking and cursing.

"S-sorry! Just a second—" Elena grinned, turning at the highway. _Sheesh. Someone woke up in the wrong side of the bed. _She thought to herself. A few quiet minutes then passed by.

Reno hesitated. "...Um... Elena..."

"Yeah?"

"You know in airplanes, they have those plastic bag thingys attached to the seat if they had a weak stomach, right?"

"....Yeah. What about it?"

Reno's stomach groaned loudly.

"...You don't happen to have any right now, do you?"

"HELL NO." Elena boomed wide-eyed. "Oh no... No, no, no, no, no! Not in this car! I'm renting it! Meaning I have to pay more if something happens-!?" Elena shrieked urgently, jerking her head backwards forgetting that she was driving. The car swirled, turning against the traffic.

"Oh no—YAHHH!" She screamed, dodging upcoming trucks and cars. She turned sharply at a curve, trying to get back into the right lane, instead, heading down a park.

"Get outta the way!" She honked in panic as people dodged for their lives from the female Turk. She ran over several flowerbeds, screaming as she knocked over a few fountains and almost hit a tree. She then saw a chance to turn, unfortunately ramming over someone's picnic.

"Sorry!" Elena called out apologetically.

Seeing the traffic, Elena turned again sharply at an alley, blindly seeing an old lady meters away.

"WAHAHAH!! BACK OFF GRANDMA!! MOVE!!" She hollered, just managing to miss the elder, the right side of the small care screeching as it collided with a brick wall. The women remained in her same position, holding up her walking cane and glared at the uncontrolled blue car, and yelled through her gapped teeth:

"Stupid blonde!!"

Finally, she managed to rejoin the main highway. She sighed, her heart pounding.

"Oh... my car..." Elena whimpered, seeing sandwich bits spluttered against her windows and the car looking like it just went through a giant can-opener."...At least we are alive..." She then remembered Reno, who was now gulping and swallowing. The last thing she needed was Reno's last-night dinner on the seats.

"O-open the window!"

Elena paused, his choking and gulping suddenly changing to roaring laughter. She slowly turned her head around beady eyes widened glaring at Reno with a deathly look. He just couldn't stop laughing, pounding his fist on the seats and his eyes became watery.

"You are so gullible!" Reno choked for air. "I can't believe you fell for that!"

"ARE YOU TRYING TO GET US KILLED?! AND WHAT ABOUT MY CAR?! WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN THERE?!?!" Elena shouted angrily. Reno continued laughing, not taking this seriously.

She turned around, teary eyes glaring out the window. She couldn't believe Reno thought this was funny. "Reno... you son of a bi..." Elena muttered under her breath, reassuring herself that this was for Tseng, not Reno.

* * *

"Come on. Get out. This is your apartment, right?" Elena opened Reno's door. Reno lied there inertly, exhausted from laughing so hard nonstop. 

"Come on, I can't wait here all day!"

"Yeah you could." Reno snorted in response obstinately. Elena gnashed her teeth, losing her patience with him.

"If you don't come out right now, I'll pull you out by your hair and we'll see who will be laughing now!"

Reno groaned, forcing himself to sit up. "Man, you're one tough cookie..." He said ornery. Elena then wrapped her arm around his waist, supporting his free arm over her shoulder and dragged him alongside into the building.

"Hehehe, I could get used to this..."

"Shut up."

* * *

"What floor?" She asked miserably. 

"You don't even know your own number...?! What's the matter with you?"

"I wrote it on a piece of paper... but I think I made a paper airplane outta it in the subway cause I got bored..." Elena growled in frustration. Not even half an hour and Reno was starting to drive her crazy and almost get her killed. She had a feeling Reno wasn't even trying to be annoying.

"Oh wait, I think it's on the 7th floor..."

"Thank god." She said in relief. "Anything else I should know?"

"Hm...Can't think of anything at the moment." His tone was foul. Elena knew that tone by heart it meant nothing good.

As the elevator doors propped open, Elena heaved Reno. He was surprisingly heavy, despite his scrawny posture. _Man, this elevator is so slow..._ She thought to herself, still supporting Reno. Reno though yawned wanting so desperately to just fall down and sleep. He leaned his head against Elena's shoulder placing his full weight on her figuring she'd make a nice fluffy pillow—the bad part was, he fluffed her where his hand could reach—

The elevator doors opened at the 7th floor Reno was on the surface with a giant red mark slapped across his face, and an absolutely mortified Elena backed against the wall.

"**YOU** **PERVERT**!"

"I swear... I was delusional! I only cupped your a—"

"I swear if there was a chainsaw in my hands right now, I'd use it!" Elena scolded feverishly, her face still bright red and wondered where she put that baseball bat. "Just don't talk Reno; do the world a favor. Just lye there in your pathetic life and SHUT UP." She spat coldly at the Turk. Reno sweat dropped.

"But—"

"I'm not listening." Elena retorted stubbornly. Reno rolled his eyes.

"Fine. Not my fault we're on the wrong floor..."

"What did you say...?! But you said—"

"I remember now. It's on the 77th floor. Smart, aren't I? And to add on, ahh..." A grin stretched across his face. "The elevators busted from the fortieth floor up..." Elena's jaws dropped, standing there like a statue.

"You just know what to say to get a girl thrilled, don't you?" Elena growled viciously, dragging Reno back into the elevator.

This was a pretty huge apartment, bigger than she expected from the outside. But the shocking part was for such a huge building, the qualities were very poor like a cheap motel. She couldn't imagine anyone living in a dump like this.

Reno sat on the corner of the elevator, Elena refusing to support him and had her back against the ledge knowing that he wouldn't be able to grab her, eyeing him. Reno eyed her back. They continued this for a long period of time, both not blinking.

"Reno, what are you looking at?" Elena finally focused her eyes very carefully with Reno's, noticing that he wasn't looking into her eyes.

Reno blinked innocently. "Well, isn't it obvious? I'm examining the twins."

The elevator doors opened and Reno, once again, lied on the surface with yet another slapped red mark but on both of his cheeks, and Elena with that same mortified look in her face, bracing her chest and back against the wall.

"You are such pervert, peeping tom!!"

"Feh, don't get your hopes up. I've seen bigger and better."

"Get up. NOW." Elena stomped out of the elevator hotly. "There's now way in hell I'm going to carry you 37 floors!"

"Oh well... you've got me there." Reno said wearily, coughing slightly when he smirked.

"Tseng would be very disappointed, though..."

* * *

"That wasn't so bad, now was it?" Reno cooed. Elena leaned her head against the walls, wheezing and puffing, restraining herself not to kill Reno. 

"I... hate... you... so... much!!"

Reno grinned. "...I know. Everyone does." There was a strange tone of deject in his voice when he said that. Elena then realized she didn't have the keys, then groaned, looking at Reno. Having no choice, she had to search all of his pockets. It was unfortunately located in the back pockets of his pants.

"Feh..."

"Shut up, Reno—"She opened the doors.

It was no shock seeing Reno's apartment. It was a total disaster that looked like it held World War III. Fast-food garbage and wrappers scattered all over the floor along with food god-knows-how-long it had been lying there with a strong foul scent that flooded to whole apartment. The dishes staked like towers that were never washed, pizza boxes, beer cans, and anything else that would make you sick. _Geez Reno... I knew you were sloppy, but I didn't know it was this bad..._

"It's a mystery why you don't have a girlfriend." Elena said under her breath, hauling Reno into his room, which was just as bad as the overall apartment.

She placed Reno down onto the bed, sighing in relief that she had just done the seemingly impossible. Reno lied there, taking hold of his blankets and throwing it over his head, tangling himself in an instant. Elena then left his room, sitting on a couch and prayed the squishy thing she sat on wasn't food.

Tseng would definitely be proud. But what next? He told her to take care of Reno, meaning treating him for the night. Elena sighed again, looking at the disgusting environment. _It's no wonder Reno is sick. He's just like a three-year old stuck in a twenty-four year old body. _

She took out her journal, scribbling in what happened today and did not hesitate to describe in clear words every detail that happened. She looked again at Reno's apartment.

_Maybe, I should clean. Just a little bit, or else I'm gonna get sick._

She told herself, finding the nearest broom.

* * *

**To be continued...**

I hate this chapter's name! Arg! I couldn't think of anything cool. If you think you've got a better chapter name for this chappy, feel free to comment and I will credit you if I do use it.

Hee hee, kind of a cheesy start but that's okay! XD Reno is just so kawaii when he is a trouble-maker! Don't you agree?! But I think I overdid it, but oh well! The better! I know it seems stupid, but things will get more interesting later in the next few chapters...

Just click on that sexy blue link on the bottom left-hand corner. Yeah, you know what I mean. PLEASE! Then I might just continue... with you urging me on!


	2. Sweet Revenge

* * *

Woohoo! I'm back! Sorry for the long wait. I'll explain why at the end of the chappy, okay 

* * *

"Uhnn..." Reno moaned the next morning, blinking. "I'm back in my room...? Oh yeah, that blonde... brought me back..." Reno then sat up, yawning and scratched his head. "Heh... wonder if she went home..." Cracking his neck, Reno stood up, feeling much better then he felt yesterday morning. Drowsily, he opened his door--

"...WHAT THE HELL...!" Reno eyes widened, jaw dropping. His whole apartment was sparkly clean. Reno slapped his face to make sure it wasn't a dream. _Let me get this straight... my dishes are washed--the carpet is vacuumed--my squishy fruits and leftovers are gone--my walls are cleaned and the wallpaper's all patched--the beer bottles disappeared--what the hell is happening?!_

Reno heard a soft voice come from the kitchen and froze. Instantly he snatched his electric rod and placed it behind his back. _Son of a bitch. That damn Gaylord of a neighbor probably sneaked in and took all my booze again...!_ Reno then walked slyly as a cat to the kitchen, ready to give that asshole a beating of his life--

Reno stopped dead on his feet. There was Elena, stretched on the spotless tiled kitchen sleeping peacefully with a broom in her arms.

"Well what do you know..." Reno said baffled, walking faintly over to Elena and bent down. "I didn't think she'd stay..."

She moaned silently. Reno then poked her with his rod.

"Hey blondie. You alive?" He asked. Elena moaned again, turning onto her side.

"Hmm." Reno then stepped over her, bending down and looking at her face. "Hello, Elena! " He cooed, knocking her head. "Anyone in th--WAHH!" Elena then grabbed his hand, thrusting it tightly and crushed her grip as hard as she could; she was still asleep.

"Ow ow ow ow what the fu--?!" Reno whimpered, falling onto the floor when his fist cracked.

"Oh shi...!" He cried from the pain of her grip.

"I'll... never... forgive... you...!" Elena whispered revengefully.

Reno whined. "What?! Was it the ass-grabbing thing?! Or the vomit thing?! I said I was sorry, I think--"

"You bastard... you took... my chili... without asking...!"

"Wha...?" Reno blinked. "I don't remember any chili--" Reno felt his fingers being crushed as Elena tightened her grip even harder and Reno began to pull, then finally after struggling he succeeded.

"Phew I'm free--AYAHHH!" Reno yelped, stepping backwards only to slip on the broom, crashing into the tables and chairs. Elena popped open her eyes, sitting up and yawned.

"Uhhn... is it morning yet?" She glanced at Reno, blinking. He sat up, glaring at Elena while clutching his squeezed hand.

"What?" Elena asked, yawning again.

Reno continued glaring. "You've got one hell of a tight grip." He sneered hotly. Elena blinked blankly.

"Huh..? Wha... what are you talking about - hey did you fall or something?" Elena asked drowsily, seeing the fallen chairs. Reno slapped his forehead, and then suddenly had an awful, atrocious idea.

He placed a weakened look on his face. "Yeah... still can't stand straight... my legs are still kinda cramped..."

"Oh really?" Elena asked aroused, being fully-awake now. "Why didn't you call me?"

"Well... I thought you already went. Didn't think I'd find you here."

"Don't worry about me! You're my priority - that's what Tseng ordered me to do!"

_**Damn it**! I thought Reno would be cured by this morning now Tseng's going to visit us and finds out Reno is still sick and I was unsuccessful and I will lose my chance...! Good-bye to that romantic dinner...!_

"Hold on, Reno." Elena said, determined as she stood up. "Tseng told me to keep you on your feet, and keep you on your feet I will! If you need anything, just tell me, okay?" Reno stood up dramatically, leaning against the wall.

"Don't force I'm fine... I think I will be able to go to Tseng today--" He coughed in between his words.

"NO!! I mean, no you can't!" Elena snatched his arm, dragging him into the living room. She then forced Reno onto the couch, fluffing him a pillow. Reno was laughing his ass off in his mind, crossing his arms behind his head.

"You need anything?" Elena asked desperately. _Maybe there's still time to heal Reno before Tseng comes...! There is still some chance!_

"Well, I do need some stuff." Reno said casually, trying his best not to sneer or smirk.

"Not to mention I need to pay off some third-warning bills and such--"

"A-alright!" Elena panicked, snatching her jacket and keys. "Anything else?!"

"How 'bout some rubbing cream?" Reno cooed. "My back still aches from yesterday - but if you don't wanna, you don't have ta--"

"Shut up! I will! Anything else?!" She said more frantically. Reno scratched his chin casually.

"Hmm... nope. Oh don't forget chips if you don't mind, and oh don't forget some firecrackers!"

"Don't worry--I'll do this! Just sit there and relax! I'll handle everything else!" Reno watched Elena speed through the door in a flash.

"Whoa she's pretty fast." Reno thought to himself, holding the remote and flipped through the channels, knowing that if she found out Reno was going to get his ass kicked.

"What the hell?" Reno jerked his arms, feeling something pointy against his ribs. He reached down in the cushions, finding a black-leather journal. "What's this...?" He then flipped through the pages, controlling himself from bursting into laughter when he saw giant hearts with Tseng's name in the middle...

* * *

"Mmmm... yeah... right there..." Reno hissed dreamily. Elena shuddered, rubbing the muscles on his back even more harder.

"I wonder if Elena made it out alive, knowing Reno." Tseng said with a slight laugh walking up the stairs with Rude. Rude was silent but had a smile stretched across his face.

"So is this is?"

Rude nodded. Tseng's hand was inches from knocking on the door--

"Here?"

"Oh yeah... that's the right hole." (Tseng froze and Rude widened his eyes.)

"I don't mean to be so picky, but..." Came Elena's voice, "I've been doing this for over an hour... can I have a break?"

"Oh come on... you know you are enjoying this... OH! Yeah, right there!"

"Where my hand is?"

"Yeah. Just rub a little harder and cup your hands." (Tseng and Rude backed away from the door very slowly)

"OW!"

"What?!"

"You pushed to hard... that's gonna leave a scar..."

"You ARE a man, right Reno? Then quit complaining."

"Yeah, you're right. Go a little lower... yeah... oh yeah... baby, that's the spot..." Elena eyed a bruise on Reno's lower right side, eyes widening.

"Oh my god!"

"What? What?"

"Thats... thats huge!!" (Tseng and Rude then shuddered disturbingly)

Reno blinked, not quit getting the message. "Huh?"

"What happened?"

"Oh, got a little rough with the last ones... pretty surprised I survived them." (Reno goes in threesome's...?! Tseng thought, blinking.)

"Huh. What did you do?"

"Tried to join up with some big members of a group and see if I could make some easy money. Apparently, I wasn't good enough. They kicked me out cause I'm the smallest." (Oh Reno... don't tell me... Tseng slapped his forehead.)

"Oh... poor baby..." Elena giggled.

"...Shut up."

"Wait, is that why you were so wasted yesterday?"

Reno didn't respond.

There were no words to be said. Tseng and Rude glared at each other, obviously dumbstruck and backed away. Rude unfortunately stuck out his foot, accidentally tripping Tseng and he collided face-first with the floor. Tseng through a clumsy expression.

"Oops..." Rude sweat dropped.

Reno and Elena jerked up their heads. "What was that?"

"Maybe I'll check it out. Stay here." Elena then opened the door, blinking, then saw Tseng on the floor, glaring up at her. _Oh no! He's here...!_ Elena through a desperate panicked expression, diving to help Tseng up.

"O-oh sir! Are you alright!?"

"I-I-I-I'm f-f-fine..." Tseng stammered, eyes glued at Elena in shock and astonishment that she could put on her clothes so quickly. The untidiness of her messy blonde hair then completely convinced Tseng that Reno and Elena were having--

"S-so." Tseng said, dusting himself off but failed to act casually. He eyes popped wide-open, seeing Reno without his shirt on sitting on the couch comfortably. "How's..." He couldn't finish the sentence. Elena panicked.

"O-oh, Reno? Well... well... umm... he is... well..."

"Feeling terribly ill." Reno interrupted dramatically.

Rude crossed his arms. "Oh... really...?"

"Yeah... still and kinda cramped..." Reno exasperated with a painful sigh. Tseng then blinked, noticing that Reno's apartment was shockingly cleaner than what he had imagined, since he was such a coach potato.

"...Well..." Tseng said, sounding a bit unconvinced, "I won't be forcing you, but--"

"YO, RENO!" A large man bellowed right behind Tseng and Rude, making the gasp in surprise. Reno grinned. (As Reno mentioned earlier, this was the neighbor he had across from him who stole all his booze)

"W-what do you want..."

"Oh, I just wanted to thank you for helping me to carry that wardrobe and shower earlier. I owe you a bunch, man! I could never have--!" Elena through a deadly look at Reno who leaped for the door and slammed it shut.

"Heh... heh... just ignore him... he makes all these stupid stories of me--" He stopped, all the eyes glaring at him now.

_...SHIT._

"Hmm. For someone who is 'dreadfully' ill, you sure can carry a lot of heavy objects! And when did this happen, I wonder?" Elena's voice raised. Reno backed away, waving his hands.

"N-no! When you left, he just nagged me so-- You've got it all wrong-- he did MOST of the carrying, I just--"

"Oh, and that grand piano! Man, you sure are strong for a scrawny little man--"

"SHUT UP!" Reno hollered, swinging open his door and chucking his shoe, then sweat dropped when everyone continued to stare. _Oh boy... awkward moment..._ Reno thought.

"I-I can explain this-"

"You mean... this was some kind of stupid joke?!" Elena hollered at Reno. Reno sweat dropped again, panicking.

"N-no! I really was sick yesterday--"

"And this morning, you just thought you could take advantage of your little blonde servant, right?! Ugh! And the fact I rubbed your back and feet--!!!" Elena took the nearest thing, which was unfortunately a lamp, and smashed it on Reno. Reno thudded onto the couch.

"Elena - calm down!" Tseng said urgently, instinctively wrapping his arms around Elena's waist to prevent her from getting her gun.

"Let me get him sir! I'm going to kill him!!" Elena shrieked like a man dog, and Reno took cover behind Rude when she hurled the remote. Reno swore that if she had a pair of horns and a tail, she'd be complete.

"Elena, please calm down--we can solve this!"

"There is nothing to say! He's an asshole! He took advantage and cheated! Come on--LET ME GO!!"

"Elena, please--!!" Tseng then noticed her strength was gradually wasting away, and now it was easy to take her down. Wondering what happened, he guided her onto the couch. Elena was panting, but still freshly wanted to kill Reno.

"Elena?"

"I'm just tired..." Elena whispered wearily, feeling Tseng's arms support her onto the couch. It was weird. One moment, she wanted to clobber Reno, the next second, she was silent and pale.

Reno blinked. "Wha...?"

"You've overworked her, Reno." Tseng concluded, looking at Reno, who gulped.

Reno looked surprised. "I... I did?"

"She physically and mentally exhausted. That's not good for the health." He then looked at Reno."I think you should take care of her until tomorrow."

"You-you've got to be kidding me...!" Reno cried.

"Sorry Reno. I think it's only fair that you give Elena the same service she provided you. You might just learn from your mistake." He through a smirk at Rude.

"But... but... but...!" Reno stammered. "But Tseng...! She's gonna torture me! Work me day and night like that Cinderella chick...!"

"...You watched Cinderella?" A twisted smile stretched on Elena's face. She was enjoying every second of this. Reno turned pink.

"Yes, it happens to be a classic! But the point is--"

"The bottom line is you stay with her Reno, unless you would like me to take this into higher consideration." Tseng eyed him. Reno opened his mouth, but said no more. "Alright. It's settled. I will visit you two again tomorrow morning." Tseng turned, and in the shadows of his face he smiled. This was indeed going to be interesting...

"I know you enjoyed that." Reno glared at Elena, who was now laughing non-stop. Reno rolled his eyes. _Great. Just great. Of all the people, it just had to be her... How do I always get myself into these things...!_

"Alright, my Cinderella slave." Elena cooed eagerly. "My feet are just killing me! I don't think I can walk all those stairs after the elevator..."

Reno slapped his forehead.

"Now that wasn't so bad, now was it?" Elena cooed as she opened her door to her house. Reno stood there, several dozen grocery bags crowded up against his chest, nearly collapsing. _Why do girls need all this junk...!_ Reno thought, just about to--

"Don't even think of dropping those groceries, Reno!" Elena hissed, holding up her finger. "You'll break my eggs, then I will have you go out to the store and get more!"

"Well, which damn bag are they in?!" Reno said impatiently, the weight nearly taking him down. Elena bent down, examining the bags.

"Not sure." She said. "Maybe just stand there, and I'll take the groceries out one by one."

"WHAT?!" Reno shouted. "YOU EXPECT ME TO JUST STAND HERE AND HOLD ALL THIS STUFF?!"

"For the last time, you are a man, right? Don't worry. I'll take my time."

_I never thought this would be so much fun! This will save me from cleaning this old mansion._ Elena giggled, taking almost fifteen minutes to get past just two bags. What should I make him do next? Oh, I know the perfect thing for later on... I hope it's still in my closet...

Reno glanced at his watch. 1:12 only?! He muttered out a small cry.

He suddenly realized the size of her house.

It was like a palace-- Chandeleer's gleaming on the ceiling with walls covered with strange looking paintings he had never seen that looked very grand. Reno turned his head, seeing more paintings of chocobo's and mountains; nature-based paintings. Statue's and monuments were scattered across the floor, looking like knights that guarded something. Reno's jaw dropped.

_What the hell is she doing working for ShinRa if she has a load here...?_

"This isn't my house." Elena said with a sigh. "It's someone elses. I'm just watching over it for now while they are away."

"Oh." Still dazzled, Reno said.

"Oh, Reno." Elena said over an hour later at the panting Reno. "Here's the list of things I want you to do."

He snatched the paper, eyes widening.

"What the hell?! Bathroom plumbing... toilet cleaning... sidewalk scrubbing... weed whacking... lawn mowing... kitchen dishes...? I didn't do half these things to you--"

"I know. Just taking advantage while I'm at it, plus I cleaned your whole apartment with you not even asking." Elena smirked, resting on the couch eating chips.

"Now get to work!"

* * *

"Stupid girl..." Reno cursed under his breath, but couldn't help but admit he was pleasantly surprised she had grass on her lawn in a place like Midgar. "She just makes me boil...!" He then decided to let it be, since Tseng already made up his mind and that was that. Reno looked at the lawnmower, tapping it with his foot.

"I know I've seen this work before... but how do you turn on this thing..." Reno muttered to himself, examining the strange machine. He sat there, staring at all those weird looking gadgets. Reno then hmphed unpleasantly.

"Feh! It looks easy in T.V, and T.V never lies... maybe if I pull this thingy..." He said arrogantly, pulling whatever came to sight. He jumped when the engines roared suddenly, and then go off within seconds.

"Oh come on! I have no time for this!" Reno kicked the machine repeated over and over again. The engine then roared again. Reno felt proud. "Well, that was easy!" He laughed victoriously, and then paused as the lawnmower turned towards him.

"Huh?" Reno blinked, backing away as the machine approached him. "Wait a minute... I didn't see this part in T.v...!" Reno then found himself fleeing for his life around the lawn when the lawnmower chased after him.

"Shit!!!!!!"

VROOOOOOOM!!

"S-stay away!" Reno leaped onto a tree, digging his nails into the bark and balance on a branch, gripping it tightly. The savage machine roared and hollered madly, ramming into the tree. Reno froze, feeling the tree lean over with a moan.

"Oh hell no..." Reno glared. The machine seemed to laugh, crashing into the tree once last time--

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

* * *

"Oh, Reno! Done already--huh?" Elena stared at Reno as he dragged himself in, his uniform slashed in different places. He looked mortified and pointed out the window.

"The... the... the..."

"The what...? What happened to you?"

"That... thing... attacked me!" Reno pointed horrified at the peaceful lawnmower. Elena rolled her eyes, laughing.

"Oh, and I suppose the fire hydrant attacked you too!" She spat. Reno looked discouraged. Elena then chomped up more chips, exaggerating the taste of the chips, making small delicious moans.

"Mmm... anyway, you did a lovely job. You even cut down that pesky old tree while you were at it! Now shoo! You've got more work to do!"

* * *

"Stupid... stupid.... GAH!" Reno hollered, dropping the wrench on his foot in the showers. He cursed even more in his mind, then snatching the tool.

"Why can't she get a plummer?! I know nothing of this kind of stuff...!" He then accidentally yanked the pipes, unsure of himself it he was supposed to do that. "Now what..." Reno blinked, trying to stick the pipes together.

"She said the water wouldn't come on whenever she tried to turn on the shower... and the toilet can't flush properly..."

He then turned the knob, and nothing happened. "Ehh... damn it." Reno spat hotly, again trying to put the pipes together. He then noticed something in the pipes and stuck his finger in to feel the slimy substance.

"Feels like something's in there...uh oh." Reno realized he couldn't get his finger out.

"Why... WHY!?" Distressed, Reno cried out now putting his foot against the wall and pulled as hard as he could. Drops of water suddenly trickled out. Reno blinked.

"What the...?"

The shower suddenly exploded with boiling hot water, enough to make Reno shriek. He began to pull, though being unsuccessful. The water eventually changed from volcano hot to artic cold.

"YWAHHHHHH!! HOW DO YOU TURN OF THIS THING OFF?!" Reno shouted, turning the knob a bit too far and broke it off, glaring at it then chucked it away uselessly and set his attentions to his finger. Finally at last, he managed to pull free his finger, slipping backwards on the spilt shampoo and slammed head-on against the door.

It was loud enough for Elena to hear in the other room. "Reno? Are you okay?"

"Nothing, nothing!" Reno falsely laughed cheerfully, forcing himself up. He sweat dropped, feeling a cold and hot liquid wet his entire body. Jerking his head up, he realized the shower was still pouring out water and bubbles that rose to his knees.

"Oh crap...!" He panicked. "She's gonna kill me..!"

"Reno? Is everything alright?" Elena suddenly knocked on the door. Reno quickly locked the door, battling through the bubbles.

"It's nothing! I've got it under control!"

"How come there's water coming from the bottom of the door? RENO! What are you doing?!'

Reno snatched off his ripped shirt, deciding it could block the water from entering the living room for a short while. "It's nothing! I swear!"

"Reno, you screwed up, didn't you!? Let me in!"

"N-no!" Reno gulped; the bubbles now nearly up to his chest. He then paddled his way to the shower, pulling out a balloon he had in his pocket for some time now. Battling with the hot and cold, he closed his eyes, silence following afterwards. He did it, he stopped the water from pouring out with a balloon-

That proved to be his biggest mistake.

Reno sighed, leaning against the door. "Phew..." He then heard a clicking noise; Elena was picking the lock.

Reno was alarmed. "What are you doing?!"

"I'm going to find out what you are doing! You probably did something stupid, didn't you?!"

"Me? Stupid? Don't make me laugh--!!!" Reno dreadfully noticed the size of the balloon getting larger and larger, eventually getting too big for the shower stall itself.

"Uh oh..." Reno's eye twitched as Elena finally managed to open the door--

"HAH!!! Gotcha--!?"

**SLPOOSH**

* * *

"You never cease to amaze me." Elena muttered, handing Reno a cup of hot chocolate. "You just keep coming up with the most stupid ideas, don't you?"

"Hey, that balloon was my last resort!"

"That balloon EXPLODED my bathroom! Look this! There are bubbles everywhere!" She scolded, bubbles everywhere to be seen. Reno sweat dropped.

"Well... it's better than... jell-o all over the room!" He felt stupid. That was the first thing that popped up in his mind for a come-back. Elena rolled her eyes.

"Everything's a mess... Reno, you're gonna clean everything up!"

"What? Why me? It was an accident!" Reno retorted hotly. "You can't seriously let me do this on my own!"

"Oh? I cleaned your whole apartment on my own! Are you telling me that a girl can beat a guy?!"

"It's a girl's nature to clean, that's what they are for--" Reno then choked on his hot chocolate, wishing he never said that.

"Ex-cuse me?!" Elena barked. "What did you say?!"

"I-I said... well... eh... ehehehe... uhhn..." Reno grinned nervously, scratching the back of his head. "...Did I even mention you had the most beautiful brown eyes?"

Elena clutched her fists. "Are you color-blind?! My eyes are blue!" She then snatched Reno's arm, dragging him into her room. "You talk like girls are tools...! Men like you make me sick!"

"Whoa whoa whoa Elena... what are you doing--"

"SIT DOWN!"

Reno found himself obey Elena, sitting on the bed. _What the heck is she planning now--?_

"Oh you are joking. You're funny, Elena. You're really hilarious." Reno suddenly laughed as Elena held out a maiden's uniform and a headband with cat ears. Elena joined laughing with him.

"Oh really?" She laughed, suddenly calm. "Come on--just try it! Your clothes are all slashed and I can't stand you being without a shirt." She said. Reno blinked.

"I will wash the car, I would lick the toilet seat, but there is NO, I repeat, NO way am I going to dress like that!"

"Why not?" Elena asked. "I won't tell anyone. Just for fun, please?"

"NO!" Reno retorted repudiated. "I'm not some barbie doll you can take dress on and off!"'

"Fine." Elena said, disappointed, turning away. "Oh well... I guess Tseng will have to hear that stupid screw-up you did in my bathroom. What would he think of you now?"

"I'd doubt he'd care." Reno snorted stubbornly.

Elena smiled.

"True... but he'd care about me. If I told him, he'd make you pay for all the damage you did. That would be... hmm... a few hundred gil..." Reno jerked his head in alarm. Elena smiled sweetly. "I mean, a few thousand gil..."

"I don't that kind of money--!"

"Then get the best lawyer, win the lottery, or go in the streets and beg for money--"

"FINE!!!!!" Reno hollered. "I'll that stupid neko maiden dress if you keep your bloody mouth shut!" Elena laughed, enjoying provoking Reno.

(Neko- means cat in Japanese. You all know that already, don't you? )

"This is the most hilarious day yet." Elena laughed as Reno stepped out, wearing the black and white maiden dress with the car ears on his head, pouting.

"Don't pout Reno." Elena giggled. "It's just for today. I promise."

"This thing itches." Reno grumbled, scratching his back. "And how can girls actually walk in these high heels? I feel like that stupid chick from wizard of oz!" The indicated the red, sparkly fancy shoes. Elena suddenly started laughing. Reno eyed her.

"What?"

"It's just..." She chuckled. "You would look like Cinderella if you had nice pretty bows and a pink dress---"

Reno closed his eyes, gritting his teeth when he smiled, holding himself back.

"You're mocking me, aren't you, huh?!"

Elena sweat dropped.

"You know what? I'm feeling a little generous." She said apologetically. "I think I'll only give you two more chores instead of four."

"Oh? And whatever is that your majesty?" Reno said sarcastically.

Elena smirked. "Only just clean bubbles in the whole house, and scrub the porch."

"'_Only just clean the bubbles in the whole house and scrub the porch'_?" Reno repeated childishly.

"That doesn't help one bit! The stupid mansion is huge and the porch is like a mile long!!"

"Well, then I suggest you get started." Elena simply said gleefully, actually amazed that Reno made it this far without quitting.

* * *

Outside the porch, Reno sat there with a sponge, scrubbing vigorously. "This is stupid... just plain stupid... I can't believe I'm actually wearing this..!"

"Hey babe, shake those hips more! WooHoo! That's right, sweet cakes!" A passing man remarked when Reno bent down. Reno jerked up, eyes flaring.

"What did you say, fat-boy?!" He called over the fence. It was Don Corneo.

"Whoa, you are a tough biscuit! Just the way I like it!" The fat man the pinched his nipple, assumingly attempting to turn Reno on. "Yeah, baby... you look pretty sexy with those kitty cat ears... wanna get hitched?"

The look on Reno's face was absolutely priceless.

* * *

"He's actually working." Elena said in the phone, walking down the stairs. "No, I'm not kidding Rude. He's actually working his butt off since this morning without taking any break or sleeping on the job. I'm pretty surprised myself, but I think I over-worked him a little too much. Yeah, that's what I thought he'd do at first, but--"

Elena froze, glaring out the window.

Don Corneo had a bucket on his head and Reno chasing after him with a chopping axe insanely down the street.

"COME BACK HERE YOU FAT BASTARD SO I CAN SLICE AND DICE YA!!"

"WAHAHAHA!! SHE'S A HE!! HELP!!!!! A BISEXUAL IS CHASING ME!!"

"...Elena? You there...?"

"Oh uhh... Rude, I'll get back to you in an hour!" Elena hung up hastily.

* * *

"Whoa. You can run fast on those high-heels!" Elena grinned. Reno just snorted in response, tying back his flame red hair. Elena then looked at Reno.

"If you want, you can stay over for the night Reno." She said. "I don't mind."

"No. I'm fine." Reno growled. Elena shook her head.

"No, I insist. I have an extra room downstairs you can use--actually, we've got a lot of rooms... Come on--your apartment is over an hour away."

"...If you want me that badly, sure..." Reno grinned. Elena laughed falsely.

"Don't get me started, Reno."

"Zzz..."

"Reno...?" Elena turned her head, seeing Reno had fallen fast asleep leaned against the wall.

* * *

"Well, Reno, how do you feel?" Tseng asked with a warm smile, humored by the look on Reno's face.

"A trip from hell and back." He spat bitterly, his arms crossed. Elena smiled nervously. Tseng looked at Elena for her answer.

"Well Tseng, he did actually keep up his chores I gave him, he kept his words." Elena smiled, glancing at Reno who still had a dead-beaten face.

Tseng nodded. "That is excellent. I really appreciate you cooperated, Reno. Very sportsmanlike." Tseng smiled. Rude beamed along with him.

"Pretty surprised you made it out in one piece, Reno."

"That's no way near comforting." Reno just sniffed, flickering his red hair from his eyes. He then gazed at them, clearly not wanting to reminisce on the subject.

He turned on his heels, hmphing--

"Oh oh oh, Tseng!" Elena suddenly leaped enthusiastically "I have something here you might like!"

"Oh? A gift?" Tseng asked, receiving a pink-wrapped flat envelope. Reno suddenly stopped dead on his heels, glaring at Elena.

"...What is that." Reno said, almost demanding. Elena smiled sweetly and innocently. "Open it up and see."

Reno watched in absolute fear when Tseng had a wide smirk stretched across his face.

"...Well." He said, finding it difficult to find the right words. "...I never thought I'd see you wear a maiden's dress... with high-heels and cat ears, too...."

"...WHAT." Reno's face was just as red as his hair. He through a deathly look at Elena and Rude, who were both laughing now.

"Wouldn't it be nice to hang it over the office? Or at the entrance? Or even on a billboard in Midgar for ShinRa? I'm sure we will make a bundle."

Reno's hair shuffled. Tseng laughed. "My, I think you are right Elena." They all started to laugh. Reno turned his back to them, and all to their shock, he started laughing with him.

"Oh yeah?" Reno said, holding a black-leather book over his shoulders.

"'I've already made copies of this-- and I've made a whole hell of a lot of bundle!"

Reno laughed victoriously out the door as Elena stood their, horrified.

To Be Continued...

* * *

Wohoo! Go Reno! He finally made a come-back in the end. applause Anyhow, sorry for taking so long. See, I don't necessarily have a computer(that actually works), but I do at school in my block A, which is business education. It takes me some time to write there without being caught by my evil teacher and plus I have work to do. . so sorry, I may take awhile, but please be patient. I know it's hard, but I promise I will update chapters, but at a slow pace. My sincerest apologies! I'm currently half-finished chapter three, if that is comforting.

Oh yeah, I'll be the first to admit I kinda lacked on this chapter by accident. I didn't really check it over, so there may be errors about Midgar. I also know its not that Midgar-ish. Guess I have to work on it, eh?

Oh, I actually considered reading that ficcy that seemed like mine, and I was very surprised! They aren't necessarily the same, but some parts are somewhat related like Reno wearin a neko maiden and him feeling a bit sick! ( I wrote that before I read the ficcy, which is kinda scary) o.0 spooky! Halloween is still haunting me! AhhH! This is the second time that something like this happens, lol. But trust me, its a lot different than what I have planned further on with the story, so don't get so hyped up about it. Please don't forget to review!


	3. Greeno's Bad Day

I know I know... you all must be so upset that I take forever to update a chapter. But guess what? My computer finally works! No, I am not joking, my friend came over and fixed it up two days ago! Woohoo! Now I even have internet, only my computer is really, really slow. But aside that, I can finally update chapters quikcker!! So please don't stay mad at me, okay? That should be good news right - RIGHT?!

* * *

"THAT DOES IT!" A green figure roared, stomping down the hallway. Several people dropped their folders, bewildered by the bizarre sight. Reno's body was drenched with lime-green paint, literally covering his face and hair and all his uniform, easily mistaken as a walking marshmellow. The only thing visable was his furious aqaumarine eyes.

"WHERE IS SHE?!"

"Who, sir?" A manager trembled, glowing pink trying to surpass his roaring laughter.

"WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I MEAN?!" Reno roared feverishly. "WHERE THE HELL IS ELENA!?"

"Oh ho ho ho... looking for me?" Elena's voice cooed. Reno jerked his head, his electric rod clutched in his slimy hand. Elena then laughed. "Hah! That's what you get, Reno! or should I say... Greeno!" She laughed hysterically, then suddenly leaping and made a break for it when Reno chased after her.

"Oh you are so dead!" He roared, sending out an electric volt towards Elena. "That's it, Elena! Now you've really, REALLY pissed me off!" She managed to dodge it.

* * *

"They are like two kids playing tag, only with guns and weapons." Tseng sweat dropped, then slapped his forehead.

"But I must ask... why the green paint this time?"

"Maybe you should ask Elena that." Reeve smirked, stetching his arms over his head. "It seems Reno has also been messing around with her."

"Hoo boy... I just hope Rufus doesn't see this..." Tseng muttered. He then turned to Reeve, sighing. "I just don't know what to do with them anymore."

"Well, don't stop it." Reeve laughed. "This is entertaining. People at work are actually coming to work to see those two rebel against eachother. They are quite anxious, actually. Come on, admit it, you think its halarious."

"Well...." Tseng said nervously. "Perhaps... perhaps at a certain degree!"

"Hah! Thought so." Reeve cooed, yawning again. Rude looked over to Tseng, handing him over folders of sheets.

"Tseng, I have those folders you wanted."

"Thank you, Rude." Tseng said, looking over at his watch. "Damn... the meeting is going to start just under an hour with Rufus."

"Oh this is gonna be interesting!" Reeve jerked over his chair, clasping his hands with an evil grin. "Wonder was the prez has to say..."

"Rude you don't mind going after Reno, do you?" Tseng asked hopefully, missing Reeve's sneer. "You know, just warn him--"

The door suddenly swung open as Rude reached for the knob, Elena dashing in and locked the door. She breathed heavily, but laughed victoriously.

"Hahaha... sucker..." She blinked, realizing that the three men were staring at her. She grinned nervously, waving her hand. "Oh, good morning Sirs...."

"Hello." They all said awkwardly. There was a strange silence.

"Sooo." Reeve whistled. "A nice green start for the day, eh?"

"What...? Oh oh, oh! Th-that... so you saw that...?"

"Only all of ShinRa did." Tseng grunted.

Elena sweat dropped. "Oh... I didn't reallt think anyone would pay attention..."

"Can I ask you why you did that?" Tseng asked, sounding a bit sharp.

Elena suddenly turned red. "Because three days ago, he put pudding in my shoes! And two days ago, he put ketchup on my seat and of course my pants being red, everyone obviouslt thought I was going throu-- anyway!" She clinged, avoiding that issue.

"Yesterday, he stapled mini-whoopie cushions under my shoes! I was walking ALL over ShinRa like that without knowing and everyone was staring at me, getting the wrong idea!" She turned even more red and Reeve gasped, leaping from his seat and pointed at her.

"So that was you?! I knew it!" They all glared at Reeve. Reeve blinked and sat bck down. "I rest my case."

"So, where is Reno now?" Tseng asked. "I think it is necessary that we warn him the meeting is just under an hour."

"Oh, I don't know. I lost him somewhere on the lower floor, but I think he might be somewhere in the slums, too."

"I think I might know." Rude said, opening the door. "I'll just follow the green footsteps. its bound to lead to him somewhere."

"Oh... yeah, you can do that too..." She giggled, feeling stupid.

* * *

It wasn't hard following Reno, but it was hard to have figured which way he went. The lime green footsteps were all over ShinRa; in the halls, the elevators, Hojo's science lab, at one point they were on the walls which utterly confused Rude.

Fifteen minuted passed and there was no sign of Reno, and just when Rude was going to give up -

"WHY WON'T YOU COME OFF DAMN IT!?!?!"

"...?" Rude turned his head, hearing the sound coming from the bathroom of the lower sector. As Rude hesitated, he peeked through the door. Reno stood in front of the sink without his shirt on, scrubbing as hard as he could vigourously. Rude then stepped in, cocking an eyebrow.

"...Can't get it out?"

"What do you want?!" Reno muttered down-hearted, not caring if it was Rude.

Reno's hair was still green and his uniform was no different; the only difference Rude saw now was that his face was no longer green, but a deep red from scrubbing harshly. That or he was just flaming pissed, or both. Rude sighed awkwardly in his mind that he caught Reno washing his shirt instead of his pants - which has happened before when Reno was drunk.

"I came to tell you that, er, the meetings under half an hour."

"Oh really?!" Reno fumed, his eyes dangerously glinting a warning he was about to throw another one of his tanctrums.

"Oh really?" Reno repeated dangerously, his temper rising. "Now, that's just what I need at this moment! I bet you guys are enjoying this!"

"Reno please calm down--"

"Calm down?! CALM DOWN?!" Reno hollered suddenly; his glare was really scary. "For the love of god I am a freakin walking vegtable! Look at me - my shoes are green, my pants are green, my shirt is green, my hair is green, and to top it all the stuff UNDER my clothes are green! AND YOU TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!? HUH?!"

"Er... well... eh... you know..."

"YES...?" Reno flared. His deadly glare psyched Rude, and he inched away just slightly to stall. They remained silent for an awkward five seconds, which really seemed like five hours.

"Well... you know... so what if you are a little... green?" Rude decided to say in a conforting tone but failed miserably and became that 'you are so busted' tone. "I'm sure that no one will really notice... that much."

"Oh that consideration is really conforting, Rude! How can I ever thank you!" Reno spat sarcastically, turning on his heels and scrubbed his head against the running water. Rude watched, feeling a bit pathetic.

"Well... well..." Rude stammered, then finally gave up and admited that Reno was in a real pickle this time. "Can you at least -"

"Oh no..." Reno bursted suddenly, temper rising as his tossed his shirt out of the faucet.

Rude blinked cluelessly. "...?"

"Please no... ah hell no..." He jerked up, staring at the mirror in front of him. "Not my hair...!"

"You can't...?"

"The freakin paint won't come off...! Shit!" Reno yelped, gripping his hair as though he was about to tear it off. "Oh Elena is really, REALLY gonna pay dearly this time!"

"Here, maybe you didn't scrub hard enough." Rude insisted and walked closer towards his young friend. "Let me do it."

Reno didn't hesitate. The Turk bent down and Rude scrubbed, and at that very moment a fellow male manager stepped in and of course he spotted the two and froze. It was a strange sight seeing a huge man moving his arms rhythmly on a smaller man without a shirt on bending down at waist-height. From the managers point of veiw, it was a pity he didn't see the faucet.

Of course he had the wrong impression.

"OUCH!"

"What?"

"That hurts! Are you trying to skin me or something?! I'll become blad!"

"Well, I don't think it will be effective if I don't press harder! It won't come off if I don't!"

"Good god... how do I get myself into these things!?" The manager nearly gagged, running out of the washroom. Rude managed to sight the manager run at the corner of his eye.

"I wonder what his problem is?"

"Screw him. Keep scrubbing." Rude then scrubed harder until the point his arms were numb and his fingers ached. Reno stood up, first conking his head on the faucet, then jerked his hed up. To his fear, his hair was still lime green, but there were very faint traces of red in the roots of his hair but not enough to satisfy Reno.

"All that effort... for nothing!" Reno groaned. He felt like his head was about to fall off.

"Well I tried. I'm sorry." Rude said as a matter-of-factly, but then chose that it was best to remain silent.

"Aw damn it... DAMN IT!" Reno then hurled his foot to a full-throttle kick at one of the bathroom stalls. The impact was so vicious, the door itself snapped and toppled onto the floor effortlessly. Rude winced, having to admit to himself that it was highly unatural for Reno to be so upset. Reno had every right to be upset, but to break something? That was new.

"Hope I didn't scare you." Reno tried to crack a smile leaning against the wall, but looked utterly crest-fallen. Rude looked at him sympathetically, tempted to say something but talking wasn't his best skill.

"Aw crap... well, I 'pose I have to use a last resort..."

"What's your last resort -"

Rude froze, cocking an eyebrow as Reno shoved a paper bag over his head.

"I don't care what anyone says! I am not taking this off!" He barked reluctantly when Rude opened his mouth.

"But... but won't that make them more anxious?" Rude asked nervously, finding this to be a little rediculous. "People will try to take it off -"

"There's no way to make me take it off! I'll barecue anyone who tries!" Reno retorted, snatching his soggy shirt and nightstick, struggling o put it on. Rude shook his head, then glanced at his watch--

Reno gritted his teeth. "Ohh wait until I get her!"

"Reno-"

"What are the best ways of killing Elena?"

"Reno-"

"A herd of chocobo's ramming over her body?"

"Reno-"

"Trap her in a bag and throw her over the highest point in Sector Two?"

"Reno-"

"Tie her to a pole in a dessert and starve her to death?"

"Reno-"

"Strap her to a chair and tape her eyes open while watching Barney?!"

"Reno-"

"Oh, OH! I'll box her into a pretty pink present and send her to that fat-ass Don Corneo -"

"R-E-N-O!!!"

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?!" Reno snapped as though he just realized Rude was standing there.

"We are late!"

"I know we are - we are... what?!" Reno jumped, horrified.

* * *

"Ah, can't wait till we get outside!" Heideggar said drowsily, chomping a doughnut. "Staying cooped up in this hell hole is really starting to get my nerves." He then swallowed three more doughnuts. Scarlet sighed, ignoring Heidegger's choking and snorting swallows.

"Yes, well... the president won't let us out that easily." She groaned. "All because that brat is sick... what a bummer."

"Wot doos ee 'ave aneewhay?" Heideggar said while chewing five more doughnuts. Scarlet shrugged boredly, surprising herself she actually understood what that fat man said.

"I don't know. Maybe a flu, but it's not that serious. The doctor still says that it would be better off that he doesn't do anything too advanced at the meantime, since he doesn't know what Rufus is suffering from..."

"Ouh." Heideggar sniffed, whiping his nose with his arm and held out the box. "Wat ahn doonught?"

"Sure, why not?" Scarlet then took one, biting into it. She was just as a pig as he was.

"Soh, wot doo we 'ave to do? Y'neow, wit Rufhus sihck an' all."

"I doon't knyow. 'an't doo aneeting witouht dat braht cosulhtin uhs."

"Huh, soh whee joost sit bahk?"

"I gyess, da braht doosn't 'ave--"

"I swear I could easily have suspicions you two are from another planet." A sudden voice spoke behind them. Heideggar suddenly choked and Scarlet spat out her food.

"O-oh! P-president Rufus! What a pleasant surprise!" Scarlet laughed joshingly. Rufus rolled his eyes.

"You are lucky I didn't understand one damn word you two were just saying."

"Oh, nothing about you, sir! Absolutely business, without a doubt." Heideggar laughed. Rufus looked unconvinced.

"I'm sure." He said. He then took Heideggars ears and pulled him out of his seat. Heideggar moaned like a cattle. "And I am sure business has to do with doughnuts, television, and a nice sight-seeing place to sit and look out?" He then let go of Heideggars ear. He then pointed out the door.

"You two, out, now. I don't want to see any of you slacking about again, do you understand?"

"Y-yes sir!" Scarlet saluted, then they both thumbled out the door. Rufus shook his head.

"Idiots... I always wonder to myself how I got caught up with these two..."

* * *

Tseng tapped his foot, constantly glancing at his watch as executives from all of ShinRa came in and settled themselves down. Damn it... where are those two?

Elena sat just afew seat away across from him, and noticed his uneasiness. She felt both pleased and anxious.

Reno's probably going to be late. Serves that jerk right. Grrr! Compared to the humuliation I've suffered, this is nothing! At least it's washable, lucky for him! Elena suddenly paused in her mind, blinking.

Wait... the paint IS washable... isn't it? Elena shivered, a sudden chill down her spine. I mean... house paint is washable... isn't it?

She couldn't remember if she read the label or not.

Rufus then walked in, and everyone stood up. Elena nervouosly looked at the door where a guard now stood, locking it.

* * *

"Why didn't you tell me?!" Reno shouted through his paperbag head feverishly. Rude looked alarmed.

"I tried to tell you but you never gave me a chance!"

"Oh, is that so? Well.... Oh nevermind!" Reno shouted impatiently, nearly losing his balance over the mud. He kept on running, racing against the time. "How late are we?"

"About ten minutes!"

"Damn, it takes fifteen minutes to reach ShinRa...! Not to mention the top floor on elevator!" He mused, having a terrible feeling that Tseng was going to bite off his head after the meeting was over.

"Come on, this way!" Reno then turned sharply on a curve, bumping into several people in the slums. One of them, being very familiar from a couple weeks ago.

"Hey, watch where you are going you paperbag freak!" The same old woman from before squealed, holding up her walking cane outraged. Rude looked apologetic, Reno just growled bitterly and darted from person to person like a ping pong ball.

"Finally!" Reno said between his gasps, seeing the sight of the huge building. Rude followed closely behind his friend. Reno then leaped over a fence. "Come on, this should be a short--" Reno yelped in fear, despereately climbing back to the top of the fence as savage dogs barked. Rude watched Reno topple onto the ground. Reno cursed under his breath.

"Damn... Rufus must of put new guard dogs there."

"I guess we should take the long way, then." Rude sighed, helping Reno up. He dusted himself and hastily dashed out of the alley, with Rude following closely behind.

"I thank you all for coming." Rufus said elegantly as they everyone greeted him back formally then sat down. "I also thank you all for accepting ShinRa's proposal for a wide-spread organization. Please allow me to introduce myself and my staff."

A few minutes trailed behind slowly and the Turks were finally announced. Tseng and Elena stood up, both looking very uneasy through their smiles when Rufus realized that there were two seats with two missing Tuks.

_I am fired_._ I am so fired._ Reno's heart pounded heavily as he leaped from stair to stair, wheezing and gasping. _I can't beleive I just blew it... Tseng... I'm so... argh why I am such an idiot?! _Reno hated himself even more, his heart flooding with more frustration and impatience.

"I can't believe the elevators are down...can you believe the irony?" Reno growled, wheezing and was now dragging his feet and pulled himself up with help from Rude. Rude just smiled, trying not to think about it.

Reno cracked a smile calmly. "Sheesh... I've never really realized how huge this is--"

The moment finally came when Reno opened the doors to the hallways. He knew for sure he couldn't escape this time - even with Tseng by his side, he knew walking threw those doors would be instant death with Rufus. He knew very well that Rufus never tollerated things like this... Reno sighed, hating to admit that he really got himself into deep shit.

Reno froze, his heart nearly stopped when they reached halfway down the hallway. A certain amount of people were flooding out the doors, laughing and chuckling and commenting the president. Reno stopped dead on his tracks and grinned threw his paperbag as people stared and whispered. Tseng then came out of the room with a pale look one his face, and Elena trailed behind him and then saw Reno.

"Rude! ...Reno...?" Elena blinked, bewildered seeing the paperbag. Reno frowned. "I guess we are late, huh? And I suppose you are happy about that?" He added with a growl. He was shocked, though, seeing Elena's desperate expression.

"Get out of here." She warned. Reno blinked.

"Why?"

"Reno, Rufus is very mad at you. If he catches you now, you will get into trouble!"

"What about Tseng? Why did he look so -"

"Reno... just get out of here." She disregarded the question. "And take off that -"

"Reno and Rude, the two Turks in second command of ShinRa." A voice suddenly cooed smuggedly. Reno and Rude exchanged glances, and slowly turned around. Rufus stood there, a smile stretched across his face with his arms folded in a noble pose.

"One being the buff, the other being the clown." He walked towards them, then glanced at Elena.

"You may leave now, miss."

"But sir," Elena stammered, making an effort to take the blame, "It's my fault they were unable to attend. You see, I set up a bucket of paint-"

"I do not care whose fault it is. You and Tseng have told me enough rubbish. Go. Now." He pointed his finger. Elena looked at Reno as though this was the last time she was every going to see him, and left. Rufus narrowed his eyes.

"Do you have any excuses due to your unfotunate absences? Hmm?" Reno and Rude were silent. Rufus' smile felt like a shard of ice stabbing into Reno's chest. He could barely breathe.

"Well, now. First of all, take off that riduculus paperbag off your pathetic head. This is not a circus of peek a boo." Reno cringed, a chill slicing his throat. He took it off, holding his breath as he revealed his green hair. Rufus smiled sadisitcally.

"Well, I see the rumours are true. Rude, you are dismissed. I will deal with you later." Rude looked at his friend, then left. Reno never felt so alone.

"I really should let you go, Reno, for putting such an act of disobedience in representing ShinRa today." He said coldly. Reno looked down to his feet, closing his eyes.

_Just say it. Just let it be over with and say it..._

"...Your appearence, by nature, is also truly apaulling. You alone are creating a terrible reputation of ShinRa's professionalities such as yourself."

_Damn it, just say it.... quit torturing me and just say it!_

"Your lack of attendance, your habit of heavy drinking..."

_Just get it over with...._

"As I said, Reno. I have need no of a reason to fire you right this second..."

_I guess this is it..._

"...However." Rufus added. Reno looked up, hiding his frightened expression.

"Your records are very excellent when it comes to actually doing your job. You get rid of the people I need to execute cleanly and you are a very skillful fighter." He leaned forward, eyeing Reno sharply.

"It is those records that are stopping me from letting you go."

_Am I drunk...? Did he just say what I think he said?!_

"I'm letting you go clean this time, Reno, but only this one time. If however in the future this occurs again, I won't be so nice."

"Th-thank you s-sir!" Reno beamed brightly, releived. Rufus eyed him with a sly smile.

"Hmph. Just do me one more thing."

"Uh... y-yeah sir?"

"Get rid of the green hair by tomorrow. That is an order. I do not want a walking disgrace in this building EVER again. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, sir..."

"Now get out of here, you miserable fool." Rufus said bluntly. Reno then turned on his heels and wlaked away. He felt so happy, he could run dpwn the hallways nude. But yet, his happiness that he was spared his job fluttered away instantly, surprising himself that he was more disappointed in himself then anyone would ever know.

* * *

"How... did it go?" Rude asked slowly after staring at Reno for several minutes to built up his guts to ask. Reno didn't answer, but rested his head on his arms with a rather dark expression.

Rude was afraid that this time would come. "You... were you fired?"

"...No... I wasn't fired..."

"Then why the sad face?" Rude asked, despite his casual epression he was chanting happily in his mind that he best friend wasn't fired. Reno didn't look at him, but gulped another beer. His expression was still dark.

Before Rude could say anything -

"Reno! There you are!" A level one SOLDIER member dashed in with a tone of relief.

Reno rolled his eyes. "What do you want..."

"It's Tseng. He wants you to come meet him at his office about your mission."

"Hmph. Tell him I'm dead. That'd be better that way..."

"S-sir... I don't think that's a good idea. He said to bring you back at any cost, even drag you by the ears as so it seems." The soldier stammered a bit. Reno forced himself up, digging into his pockets to find any loose gil he could pay with--

"I'll cover it. You just go." Rude then said. Reno was relieved, escaping the barkeepers deadly glare.

"Thanks... I'll see you later." Reno whacked him on the back, tripping over several chairs before he could finally reach the door.

_Why. _Reno growled in his mind as he walked through the slums, kicking a beer can to keep him occupied from boredom.

_Why can't that little git just get over it? We all have our darkest secrets that we keep, why would we even bother to write it in a stupid diary? She shold have known better. _

He stretched his arms, flickering his lime green hair from his eyes and whistled._ I know it's embarassing to have things like that revealed, I know how that feels... heh, what do I care? I don't even know her that well. _

The doors opened before him, and he reluctantly went in.

* * *

Elena walked down the hallways, her mind set in many thoughts. I wonder how he feels? She sighed. I wonder if he feels sorry, any remoarse at all... or is he still laughing behind my back, enjoying every minute of this?

She felt like driving her fist through the wall. Stupid Reno! What am I thinking? He doesn't care, that ass doesn't have any feelings at all for anyone but himself. I don't think he even feels the slightest guilt in his heart! He's just....

* * *

_...So hard to understand. _Reno entered the elevator, subsiding against the wall. _She let's emotion get too her all to easy. That's why she's such an easy target. Sheesh, I wouldn't be surprised if someone ever manages to manipulate her. She's just gotta learn to handle these things, keep her emotions to herself, cause in the end..._

* * *

_... He will get hurt. If he continue's to be the slump he is, I just know someday he will get hurt for sure... I mean, why did he have such huge bruises on his back-- oh, why should I care if he gets hurt?_ Elena snapped, slapping her face. _This is Reno! R-E-N-O! He's a jerk. That's his life, that how he chose it. _

She opened the door, walking in.

Reno stared at her, sitting on the desk, eyes widened.

Elena eyed him back.

* * *

Aww... poor Reno. Imagine being humuliated right in front of the big boss. I admit, I was a little bit unfair on him but he's a tough guy. He'll hopefully get over it, or will he? Do you think he is ever going to get reveng on Elena? That, I will let you think about very carefully... hehehe!!! This chappy was a little stupid, but that's okay. I know its not as exciting, but I'll make up for it next chappy! I'm also sure you all are wondering about the puppies... Fufufufu...

The next few chapters will still have humour, but if you red the summary there isnt a Yuffie/Reno romance. Sorry! I meant to say that but I couldn't fit it in the summary.( . stupid limits!) Yuffie though however, will drive them crazy I promise you that and Reno will attempt to kick her ass. But I think the next few chapters might be a little serious, because I am putting a bit of a twist with Yuffie, but she is not my main priority (hint hint). I'm not quite sure if I should add any other character like Cloud, Vincent, Cid or any of those guys since this is pretty much a Turk story.

Should I? Please tell me in your review.


	4. The Pink Present Project

**OH MY GOSH I AM SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SORRY**! I can't belive it! My computer died on me when I finally got it fixed! I should be beheaded! Everyone must really hate me…! I am so sorry, once again! I will happily give you people an ax after I finish the story so you can chop me up to little pieces… okay? (Nervous smile)

* * *

Reno and Elena glared eye-to-eye for a few seconds.

"They **hell **are you doing here!" They both shouted, pointing at eachother with angry eyes.

Reno stared at her ludicrously. "I have a reason to be here! I should be asking you why the hell you are here!"

"What idea are you getting? He asked me to come here, idiot!" Elena burst. Reno rolled his eyes.

"Sure, I believe that… believe that you are here for something else!"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh you know very well what the means!"

"Why you dirty son of a –"

They fell silent as Tseng walked in. "I thought I heard you two." He said tediously, "I can hear you all the way down the lower floors – even in the elevator."

"Sorry, sir." Elena breathed out apologetically. Tseng settled himself down. Reno watched him intently.

"So…?"

Tseng looked at him as he shuffled his folders. "What?"

"What happened when I was gone? I heard Rufus spoke to you."

Tseng's expression went dark. "Oh, disregard that, I do not wish to speak of it. All is well. But that is not why I called you to come here…"

Reno then looked at Elena with a rather ridicule look. "Alright, darlin'. You can go now."

"I beg your pardon?" She snapped. "I think you… are the one to leave."

"Actually…" Tseng began. "I ordered both of you to come here."

Reno and Elena stared at their boss, wide-eyed

"…What." Reno said in disbelief, pointing a finger at Elena. "You also ordered this thing to come?"

"'_This thing'_…?" Elena twitched deadly.

Tseng sighed. "If I had the choice, I would not have chosen you two together in this next mission.

"Mission?" Reno droned inwardly. "Who the hell said so, anyway? Who's the wiseass?"

"Rufus' orders are Rufus' orders." Tseng calmly reputed. Elena couldn't help but let out a snicker when she saw Reno's '_oops… my bad_' look on his face.

"Can't I take Rude?" Reno protested. "I mean, come on! It's always been 'Reno and Rude', not 'Reno and Elena'… doesn't have that vibe in it."

"Oh, thank you." Elena scowled sarcastically.

Tseng sighed. "Now, don't be that way. I would actually consider this an opportunity for you two to get to know eachother more clearly." Tseng went quiet when Reno and Elena gave him a steady, hard wide-eyed glare. "…I didn't mean it that way, but let us proceed to your mission…"

Tseng then reached into his pockets, and finally retrieved a key. The two tilted their heads, fixedly watching Tseng pull out a small, pink box with a big yellow bow. The sight was unexpected, and the two Turks had blank looks on their faces.

"…Who's birthday?" Reno teased lightheartedly. Tseng sighed.

"Yes, I know it is a perplexing sight, but it is kept like this so it would not draw too much attention. Its contents are very important."

"What's in it?" Elena asked.

Tseng shrugged. "I am sorry, but it is confidential; your only concern is to deliver this package to the Turtle Paradise bar in Wutai." He stood up from his chair, stretching his numbing legs.

"You are to go to Junon and take a ship. When you arrive in Wutai, spend a night in the inn. The following morning, go to the pub. There should be a man there wearing a red and yellow outfit with a blue hat; he should stand out. Go sit beside him and greet him. He should say '_Good morning to you, my fellow child of the world. The sun god has truly granted us a spectacular morning'_… Reno, are you listening?" Tseng said annoyed, irritated when Reno started making paper cranes with his business folders.

"Yeah yeah yeah yeah. I got it." Reno completed his 13th paper crane while Elena slapped her forehead.

_Sheesh… This is going to be my partner…?_

"…In response." Tseng started again, "You should say 'Yes, the dragon has granted the gift of skies of gold'… he should bring you to Chai-Xang, the man whom you are to make a trade. He will trade with you, then you are going to come back and report to me."

"Interesting." Elena exclaimed. "But sir, why do you need two Turks for this assignment? Surely one would be enough."

"Yeah. Send Elena to do the 'Pink Present Project'." Reno said sluggishly, finishing his 23rd paper crane and got onto his feet. "I'm outta here – "

"Wait just a minute, Reno." Tseng snapped sharply. "I'm not done with you yet. Get back here – **RIGHT NOW**."

Reno paused, a bit surprised from Tseng's sharp tone, but returned to his spot anyway.

"Well… you sure aren't in the mood."

"Nevermind that." Tseng heaved a deep, stressful sigh. "But it is necessary for you to do this task. Chai-Xang is a very dangerous man – if you cross his boarders, you will be fried. That's why Rufus wants two on the job – he wants you two to look out for eachother."

"With all do respect, sir." Elena hesitated. "Reno would leave me dead on the shore if he could."

Reno cooed. "Damn right."

"…Just please for once, cooperate." Tseng grumbled. "Just once, do your jobs and stop fighting…!" He then shoved the pink present to Reno accidentally. Reno blinked, feeling strange holding something so… pink.

Rude suddenly opened the door slightly, just enough to pop his head. "Sir, the helicopter has arrived. In twenty minutes or so, please be prepared. The pilot has requested that…?" He eyed Reno ludicrously when he saw his friend holding the pink present, and cocked an eyebrow, and gave a small mocking smile.

"…Don't say anything." Reno muttered, tucking the present behind his back.

"Thank you, Rude. Now if you excuse me…" Tseng then paced towards the door.

Reno blinked. "Where you going?"

"Rude and I are going to take care of some… business." Tseng replied bluntly. Rude disappeared from the door, and when Tseng was about to leave –

"Hey, Tseng."

"What?"

"What's wrong?" Reno asked darkly. "You seem… a bit out of it."

"It is nothing." Tseng stressed. "I appreciate your concern, though."

He then left. Elena looked at Reno. "I guess you aren't blind. You see it too, huh?"

"What, Tseng? Probably is one of his worse days." He said, surprisingly considerate. He looked at the pink package. "Now… to get this down to the bottom floor without anyone thinking I'm going gay…"

* * *

Don't worry Wasabi; Reno and Elena won't become a couple… well at least not now; I haven't planned it that way, but it depends what you people think.

Sheesh… I really can't stress out how **sorry **I am. You may think I'm lying, but I don't blame you. My computer still is crap… I really need a new one, I've had this thing for almost 7 years. Anyway… yes, I will continue to update but once again at a slow pace. As you can see, I have put up a few more new stories that I will need to tend as well (I should of waited… sigh…) there's another Reno fic (**Broken Mirror**) you can read, but its more serious then this and darker – it's about Reno's past. Anyway, I am truly sorry for causing you much frustration.

As for the next chapter, yes it is surprisingly shorter then the previous ones; once again, I apologize, but I really wanted to put something up because I am going to be busy writing a couple of essays. Not to mention math, French, and socials exam coming back on June 21 and 22… two exams on one day... my life is complete crap right now… (cry) I think I might take out my stress on Reno, though… (evil grin)

Hence, I **WILL **continue, I grant you that, no matter how pathetic and strange this fic is... haha.


	5. The Ship, Laugh and Pimp

Oh gosh… I had so much fun with Tseng, Rufus and Reno in this chapter. You'll find out why… hahaha…(evil smile) My goodness, I've just noticed how much you guys really wanna see Rufus Tee hee! I guess I'll out him up more often, then, just for you!

* * *

"_Attention, all of Shinra_." The announcement went off early that morning. "_Please report to the front of Hojo's lab for your shots. I repeat, please report to the front of Hojo's lab for your shots. Thank you."_

"Damn it!" Reno hissed down the hallway walking alongside with Reeve. "Why do we have to have those damn shots!"

"It's just a few times a year, Reno." Reeve countered, cocking an eyebrow. "One shot won't kill you. Also Rufus is sick, and they don't know what's the matter with him… I guess this is an opportunity to see that no one else is sick…"

Reno didn't answer, but just grunted. They reached Reeve's office.

"So, you ready?" Reeve asked, searching into his drawers. Reno was leaning against the door ledge, arms crossed.

"Ready? For… oh. That. Yeah, I guess." Reno sighed tediously.

Reeve looked at the Turk. "What's the matter? You don't sound to optimistic about it."

"_Pfft_. It's an easy task. I'm surprised I'm even going to bother going." Reno yawned.

"Besides, who'd want to be stuck with that _talkative little blond brat_?"

"Who? Elena?" Reeve grinned, closing his suitcase full of folders he had placed into.

"That's too bad. I think you two make a cute couple."

"Yeah, well…?" Reno glared at Reeve with horror. "**What the hell did you just say!**"

"I'm just joking. Calm down."

"_Attention, all of Shinra." _The announcement went off once again_, "Please report to the front of Hojo's lab for your shots. I repeat, please report to the front of Hojo's lab for your shots. Thank you._"

"Yeah, I heard you twice already you piece of crap." Reno spoke crossly to the speaker atop the door.

Reeve looked up at it. "They must have accidentally repeated it in the machine. It's not supposed to go off more than twice."

"Yeah, well those cheap-asses made a mistake, then." Reno grumbled.

Elena then suddenly came in, sighing in relief when she saw Reno. Reeve was amused by Reno's pained, comical expression.

"I've been looking all over for you!" She said angrily.

"I feel loved." Reno replied imprudently with a grin.

Elena disregarded his tone. "Anyway, do you have everything you need?"

"_Attention, all of Shinra…"_

"Yeah, I should."

"The pink present and everything?" She asked again.

"_Please report to the front of Hojo's lab for your shots…"_

"YES, the PINK present and everything!" Reno rolled his eyes. "What's with you guys, bugging me about it?"

"Well SORRY." Elena replied feverishly. "I just wanted to know."

"_I repeat…"_

"Okay, my turn." Reno grinned maliciously. "Got all your womanly needs?"

"…Womanly needs?" Elena repeated suspiciously.

"_Please report to the front of Hojo's lab for your shots, thank you…"_

"Come on, you know what I mean. Your one month curse thing…"

"Oh shut it. You know what? You are such an ass!" Elena retorted intensely. "Can't you at least be reasonable and act like a Turk, and stop asking me these stupid questions?"

"_Attention, all of Shinra…"_

"She's pissed." Reno inwardly whispered towards Reeve deliberately, who couldn't help but chuckle lightly. "That explains the bloody red spot on her crotch…"

Elena glared at him, refusing herself to look but she did anyway in the corner of her eye.

Reno just snickered. "Made you look."

"_Please report to the front of Hojo's lab for your shots…"_

"Oh, you're terrible!"

"I know. Wanna kiss?" Reno said randomly and puckered his lips, just to make her more mad. He succeeded.

"That's it!" Elena stormed, gripping the doorknob tightly. "I've had enough of you, Reno! I'll report you!"

"_I repeat…"_

"Cry baby. Go ahead. I couldn't care less. Geez you are snappy." He mocked.

"Am not!"

"Are too. And you know it."

"_Please report to the front of Hojo's lab for your shots, thank you…"_

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"**AM NOT**!"

"_Attention, all of Shinra…"_

"ARE TOO"

"**AM NOT!**_"_

"_Please report – "_

"**SHUT THE FUCK UP!**" Reno hollered, snatching the stapler and hurling it into the speaker. The speaker coughed out sparks, instantly dying. Reeve jumped.

"Hey – who's going to pay for that!" He snapped towards Reno. Reno flicked his wrist.

"Whatever." Reno griped. "I hate the damn needles. They piss me off. The announcing doesn't make it any better…"

_About time someone shut that thing off…_ Elena thought inwardly.

"You're afraid of needles?" A sudden derisive smile was set on Reeve's face.

Reno hesitated. "Wh-what? No, it's not that! It's just – "

"Wittle Weno is scared of needles… awwww…." Reeve puckered his lips. "Does wittle Weno want to hold Weeve's hand…?" He laughed afterwards, and Elena couldn't help but giggle. Finally, someone was on her side.

Reno felt like smacking him, but instead he smiled sweetly, pointing above Reeve's head.

"Hey Reeve! Look! Flying pigs with bazookas and free mako goodie bags!"

Reeve turned around. "What? WHERE!"

**BZZZZZZZZT!**

* * *

Rufus leaned back, glaring at the ceiling, his world spinning before him. The past two weeks have been sheer living hell. He had a splitting headache; nauseous to the point of vomiting, cramps, chest pain… you name it. And being the head president did not make things any easier.

He couldn't afford to show any weaknesses. Not now. Not ever. What drove his curiosity and slight concern was that he didn't know what he had – not even Hojo knew. He just stayed with the flu, but in the back of his mind he knew it was something… else.

"Sir?" Scarlet suddenly spoke from behind.

"What." Rufus said dully, not looking at her as he spoke.

"The Turks have left for their missions, as you ordered."

"…Good." Rufus replied, placing his hand onto his forehead and swept threw his blond hair. "You can go now."

Scarlet stood there in slight disappointment. "Are you not going to question my report?"

"…Go ahead." Rufus said anyway, though clearly uninterested at the moment.

"Well, Heideggar and I…"

Rufus closed his eyes, heaving a large sigh. All the words that came from Scarlets mouth was '_blah blah blah blah blah…_' for a good twenty minutes. During that time, he thought of nothing. He confused himself when he suddenly had the desire for a cupcake.

"…And so…" She continued. _Dear god… she's still talking._ Rufus realized.

"As I said, Mr. President, Heideggar and I wish for permission to search in the slums for Legulia material. We suspect that they might be there…"

"Lagulia material…? Why in the slums?" Rufus asked bored. _What is Legulia anyway…? Sounds like a type of pizza… _

Scarlet grew pink, suppressing herself not to scream. "Sir… I was just explaining what it was. Do you wish that I repeat – "

"NO. No that is fine." Rufus jerked up, now looking at Scarlet for the first time. "Go right ahead. Permission granted." _I don't really know what you are doing, but okay…_

"R-really…?" Scarlet asked, slightly surprised.

Rufus glared at her coldly. "Do you have any objections?"

"N-no! Of course not!" Scarlet giggled fretfully. Rufus rubbed his head, his headache starting to get worse.

Heigeddar unfortunately came in a rush, panting. Rufus looked at him, somehow not surprised. "And where have you been?"

"Ordering the officers around, sir! Haha!" Heideggar saluted with a loud cackle, making Rufus cringe. He spotted traces of donut crumbs on the fat mans beard.

"…I see." _…Idiot._ Rufus said, ultimately unaffected. He felt no need to yell at him, actually, he felt just like dropping dead and sleep.

"So…?"

"He has granted us permission, Heideggar." Scarlet told him. Heideggar beamed.

"Well, then!" He chuckled loudly. "Then that's that! **BWAHAHAHAHA!**"

Rufus grasped his head, leaning foreword in pain from the encounter with the fat mans hollering excuse of a laugh. He glared dangerously at the two. "How many times have I told you… to stop laughing like that?" He shot at them.

"Ah… sorry, sir." Heideggar sighed.

"Nevermind." Rufus said, frustrated. "Just get out."

"But sir –"

"I-SAID-GET-OUT. **NOW**." His cold blue eyes shot towards them critically. Scarlet and Heideggar knew that look too well, bowed and immediately left.

Rufus leaned back, heaving in a deep sigh to calm himself. He closed his eyes.

* * *

Elena sat near the docks, keenly looking for any signs of the red headed Turk.

_Damn it… Reno! The ship is going to leave in a few minutes…!_ She sighed impatiently; hating that at this moment that she wished Reno was here for once.

Elena suddenly jumped when she felt a cold metal touch the side of her neck.

"Aieyy!"

"Where were you? I was waiting for you." Reno barked densely with a hint of sarcasm.

Elena narrowed her eyes. "Me? I was... What on earth are you wearing?" Elena eyed sharply at Reno's multi-colored Hawaiian shirt.

Reno gave her a wide grin. "What? Just because you don't have a life doesn't mean that I can't have one."

"But…" Elena stammered, glaring at him from top to bottom. "…Reno, we are Turks! We are supposed to be professionals! We are supposed to wear our uniforms! They are our trademarks…!"

"There you go again, being Tseng's little girl." Reno mused, giving her a typical bored look.

"Can't you just break the damn rules for once? Besides, do you think everyone will place the welcome mat? I mean, come on. Everyone is piss-ass afraid of the Turks' reputation. Might as well not raise any concern – ever see a red-head in a black suit with a pink present and yellow bow?" He grinned as he said that.

Elena was caught off guard, helplessly blinking blankly. She never thought that of all people, Reno would be right.

"…I guess, I guess so." Elena finally muttered in defeat. She had a sweet smile on her face. "The shirt really matches your pink present, as well as your hair..."

"Why, thank…? Wait, what do you mean by that?" Reno suddenly snapped, but before he could grip on his nightstick the captain finally spoke from behind–

"**ALRIGHT, KIDDIES!**" The great man bellowed loudly, making Reno leap in shock and fall over the balcony; the captain didn't seem to see Reno. "**YOU READY TO GO OR WHAT! ALRIGHT, LADS! LET'S GET GOING!**"

"You alright?" Elena asked, bending over to her fallen comrade with a playful smile.

"…Your lips are flapping, but I can't hear you." Reno muttered mordantly.

* * *

Tseng leaned back on his seat, watching the grey clouds pass by as the rain tampered against the window. The weather was rather bleak, and this didn't do him any favor.

Tseng sighed. "Dull day." He said after awhile, breaking the silence. Rude just nodded in response. Tseng drew monotonous, knowing that Rude was not the type to have a conversation. Only with Reno, Tseng observed, would Rude truly talk in a conversation. Tseng started drumming his fingers on the wheel, trying to rid his boredom.

"I thought he would be here by now." Rude finally said, looking out the window to the wondrous lights of the Gold Saucer.

"I know. Just wait." Tseng replied. "Rufus told us to wait for him – he works here. If he does not cooperate, we have Rufus' permission to take him in – by force if we have to."

Rude looked at him. "This guy dangerous?"

Tseng shrugged. "Don't know. Rufus sent only the two of us, so I guess he's not all that bad… god that stuffed thing is annoying." Tseng suddenly changed the subject, seeing the bouncing, dancing man in a suit of a large white cat, greeting in visitors, even in the rain. Tseng always wondered how someone dressed in a suit like that could keep a constant smile, until it suddenly occurred to him that they probably injected the stuff that made you always smile.

It caught his eye when he saw a man with a white tuxedo and top hat suddenly came out, with two very youthful girls beside him with tight outfits. He wrapped his arms around their waists, pulling them closely so they could squeeze under his umbrella.

"That's him?" Rude regarded Tseng's expression.

Tseng nodded. "Yes, that is him."

"My goodness." The man said, nipping one of the girls neck. "…I can just eat you up, you sexy little bitch."

"Oh please, stop it…" She giggled, clearly flattered. She giggled even more when the man pressed his finger teasingly near her breast.

"Hey, I want some attention, too!" The other whined jealously, kissing him on the cheek and nipped his ear. The man laughed.

"Oh, don't worry… I'll have fun with the both of you tonight."

He ceased, blinking blankly as Tseng and Rude walked towards him.

"Jeffrey Collin?" Tseng questioned.

"Yes?"

Tseng crossed his arms. "We would like to talk to you."

"Oh?" Jeffrey said, then after a few seconds of silence he grinned. "Oh, you must be that man calling me about wanting a job!"

"…Pardon?" Tseng blinked; the question he was going to ask suddenly just flew out of his mind.

"Come on, girls. Go on – your pimp daddy will be waitin' for you." He released his grip around them, slapping their bottoms as they walked away, giggling once again. Rude's gaze followed the girls, then back at his boss and… the pimp. It suddenly occurred to him why would Rufus want to ask about a pimp in the first place.

"Now, to business. Guess you couldn't wait, but oh well." He clapped his hands, his jewelry jingling. He examined Tseng tip to toe, scratching his chin and humming '_Ah-hah_' every time he looked in certain… places. Tseng and Rude were utterly disturbed.

"Yes, yes you will do." He reached into his pocket. "You look like a player."

"…I beg your pardon?" Tseng asked, wide-eyed.

"You're the gay man, right? You keep calling me about your problems – you know your attraction to other men? Well, good news – I have an opening just south of here, a few of my girls got no boss to tell them where to swing their little asses, you dig?" He cackled, elbowing Tseng's side with a wide smirk.

"Lots of sexy hot chicks there, you should be converted into a normal man anytime! Of course, if you become bisexual, at least we accomplished something… whoa whoa, what's with da look?" Jeffrey quivered slightly from Tseng's deathly gaze.

There was a long silence.

"…You're not my man?" Jeffrey said, shocked, figuring it out. "I've seen dis in movies… ah, sorry. Just with your long hair and girly posture and tight black tux, I thought you were my man."

"…How the hell does that pronounce me to be gay!" Tseng snapped, clutching his fist trying his best not to swing.

"Well, duh." Jeffrey rolled his eyes. "Who has long hair? Honestly! Only guys like Sephiroth look good with long hair, but personally, I think the guy would look great with short hair. See these guys swabbing the place? They have short hair – almost all of them do. You my friend, walking around like that with long hair… it's like an open invitation for gay men all around… and…" Jeffrey stopped, seeing Tseng's twitching eye.

"Err… Tseng?" Rude cocked an eyebrow, looking curiously at his friend. Tseng was silent, and then suddenly he started laughing. The two men watching Tseng were baffled.

"…You okay?" Rude asked, concerned if Tseng finally lost it.

"Fine, just fine." Tseng laughed, pulling out his gun and aimed at the pimp right… there.

"Give me a reason why I shouldn't blow your balls off right now." Tseng said dangerously, but strangely almost sweetly. Rude stood by, watching helplessly, unsure if he should stop Tseng, or watch.

"Hey, hey hey hey!" Jeffrey cried. "C'mon, man! I was teasing! Come on, I've been celibate for the past 24 hours, and it's been a living hell… two girls waiting for me, and they are expecting me to be in one piece, you dig? You can break an arm, but not my little man…" He hinted.

Tseng remained silent then tucked his gun away in which the pimp heaved a large sigh, turning around and gestured Rude to take over with a frustrated sigh.

"Gee… thanks man." Jeffrey then smiled, and just when he was pushing it –

"I'll sign you up for the gay community – I'm sure they give free haircuts."

Rude watched in absolute terror when he saw Tseng's most diabolic look he had ever had as he slowly turned around.

"…Tseng? …You okay?" Rude asked uneasily.

"Wonderful." Tseng said as he pulled up his sleeves, cracking his fists.

* * *

Hmmm… I'm going to have a hard time trying to figure out a chapter name for this! Any other idea's for this chapters title, highly appreciated! It kinda is Reno, Rufus and Tseng in one chap… hehehe… I'm stooped what to say! Not to mention I rushed in certain arts - could of improves Reno and Elena's departure with more details. Oh by the way just to let you know I didn't check this over after I wrote it so be warned, okay? I'm in a hurry! My time is limited on the comp! I'm using simple words… need to improve adjectives… (cry)

Poor Tseng… imagine being called gay by a pimp. That evil speaker that just keeps repeating… grrr… then Reno's Hawaiian shirt! Yay:3 Sorry, I've always imagined what Reno would look like in colorful clothes… maybe I'll put up a pic in eh? Hee hee! And thank you for the reviews! I'm so happy! (Tears of joy)

Err… yes… about the first two chapters… you have no idea how aghast I was when someone told me that there was another fanfic with similar events… this just makes me look bad and evil… My friend who originally gave me the idea might have read the other story, then told it to me without mentioning it _already existed_… sheesh I shoulda asked! I feel so terrible!

Well, if it gets really, really bad and out-of-hand I'll just take out the first couple chaps and replace it with a new chaps, just for the respect of the first author. :)


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